The Power of Grace in Marriage

Let’s be honest, after over thirty years together, you won’t find my husband and me slow dancing around the house and staring into each other’s eyes over candlelight every night. Real life, real marriage is not tied up in a bow like that. More often, you’ll find us sitting in “our” designated spots in the living room while one of us is watching TV and the other is scrolling on their phone. Yes, there are times when I crave the fairy tale kind of romance. However, the reality is that we both have so much going on in our lives that we rarely take the time to be intentional. Although our children are all grown adults, with work, grandbabies, travel, and hobbies, we don’t always put our marriage at the top of our list.

As we inch closer to retirement in the next year, it is weighing heavily on me to make our marriage a top priority. We need to ensure that we don’t become complacent in our marriage and fall into the trap of merely tolerating each other. I want more for myself and for our marriage. We have had to weather our fair share of storms over the last thirty years, and I’m pretty sure there will be more. To not just survive our retirement years, we need to thrive as a couple. To thrive, we will require grace on both our parts. Grace in marriage looks like undeserved kindness, unearned favor, and choosing love over being right. Not always easy, but it certainly brings harmony and peace to the home.

Too often, when couples have been married for twenty-plus years and become empty-nesters, they start to question their marriage and life choices. I’ve seen it happen to too many couples! I’ll admit, I’ve had my personal struggles and asked some similar questions. But we’ve made it this far, and I’m in it for the long haul. Our shared faith has kept us grounded and has become a cornerstone of our marriage's success. We continue to choose each other, and I believe the best is yet to come.

Marriage requires hard work and a lot of grace from both parties. Grace, even when he leaves spitted toothpaste in the bathroom sink. Grace, when I’ve had a stressful day, and make him the target of my frustration. Even when we don’t deserve it, we need to extend grace to each other, just as Jesus has done for us time after time. In Ephesians 4:32, the Apostle Paul instructs us to: "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you".

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not suggesting that someone should stay in an abusive or unsafe marriage. Safety should always be taken seriously, and getting help is necessary. In other situations, when trust has been broken, we are called to extend grace and forgive. I’m not a therapist, but I’ve learned that establishing healthy boundaries and seeking therapy can be helpful in those challenging situations.

Have you ever found yourself exhausted from all life has thrown at you, and giving grace doesn’t seem fair or even possible? I sure have, and I’m guessing you have as well. Our human nature often manifests as anger, bitterness, hurt feelings, and more. Forgiveness and giving grace are the last things we consider. It’s easier said than done. So, how do we move forward when we reach this impasse? Prayer is a great place to start. Ask God to help you see your spouse as He sees him. God invites us to share our burdens and brokenness with Him. His mercy can help you find peace and take the steps to forgive and extend grace.

No marriage is ever perfect. If you think someone has one, you probably don’t see the whole picture. We’ve already established, and we know, marriage is hard. But with lots of grace and a surrendered heart, we can get through almost anything! When we extend grace to our spouse, it changes us as well. The giver and receiver of grace both win and are blessed, as well as anyone who gets to witness it.

When my husband and I reach retirement next year and spend 24/7 together, there will be many times when we will need to extend grace upon grace to one another. I also hope that we’ll be more intentional with our time together. I am looking forward to more date nights, discovering hobbies we both enjoy doing together, and reducing our screen time. Oh, and dancing in the kitchen sounds like a great idea to me!